In a matter of hours, everything changed. We went from spring to winter. We went from hot (82 degrees) to cold (40s with windchill that are meteorological terrorists).
And our fears for dear Logan, our 15-year-old runner who couldn't or wouldn't run (or move well) went from the disabled list to normal. I had gone so far as to look up crematoriums for pets because I thought surely this was a stroke or at least cancer or for all I knew the sign of the end times. Logan wouldn't run. Logan wouldn't move. Logan wouldn't get up.
Hence, my fears were consistent and content companions, so much so that I was afraid to take her to the vet because I was sure she was going to tell me we needed to do something drastic because she seemed to yesterday be in pain for the first time. I even called my youngest daughter, Carrie, to tell her this might be "it," because in another lifetime Carrie had picked out Logan and named her after the comic book movie character Wolverine from X-Men 1.
So, I was proved wrong again. Talk about consistent and constant. She had an injured neck and was in pain, so she had simply shut down action. The vet gave her a shot of steroids, some pain meds, a muscle relaxer and within an hour she was running around like she was preparing to go to Major League Baseball spring training (steroids, get it, get it?).
All the way home from the church office to get Logan I had prayed "not my will, but yours. Your will be done on earth as it is in heaven." I repeated it like a code. I might even have meant it a time or two, though I also threw in a couple of "Lord, will you heal her just this time," ideas, as well. And when it was all over, I reflected, pondered, thought, meditated on the prayers.
How many times do we do what we do, pray what we pray, with the hope of completion of the prayer and/or the idea that His will, will be done? That's where trust comes flowing in like a river cascading down a mountainside. Trust is like ice cream on a hot day. It hits the spot initially, but if you're not careful or you don't absorb it quickly enough, it might all melt away and become unacceptable. Do we trust Him when the going gets tough? Do we engage Him when the going gets better? Do we accept the outcome as best we can?
All these are questions that come every day, I suspect. Love is hard. Trust is harder, when the circumstances are at their most difficult. But that is what God expects, accepts, wants. Trust Him this morning to provide, to guide, to love. Through all you are going through, He is there for you. I know this in my head. I must let it flow to my heart.
Logan told me to.